We all feel loved in different ways and to receive love in all these languages are important. However some of them speak louder to us than the others. We briefly introduced the five languages of love in our infographic, today we’re elaborating a bit more.
Do you know which of these love languages is the most powerful one to you and to your partner?To figure out which ones matter most to you, ask yourself and your partner these questions first;
- How do you express your love to others?
- What do you complain about the most?
- What do you request more often?
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language compliments and kind words are the most important to you and make your spirits fly sky high, but it would also mean that insults could leave you shattered and devastated and be very hard to forget. When we communicate our love using words we need to use kind words said with kindness and tenderness to be able to express our genuine love. Encouraging words are equally important to help lift the spirits of our partner and help them in the areas they feel insecure. Also if this is your partners love language, it is important to make requests, not demands in the relationship. To give guidance, and not to make ultimatums.
2. Quality Time
When I love you is said through full and undivided attention. When being there for your loved one is the most important thing, with the TV-off, phones on silent and all chores put aside. If this is how you or your partner truly feels loved and appreciated it is very important to take this time off and make sure to spend a few hours a week togethor with undivided attention from each other where you fully focus on each others feelings and words, This do mean not to interrupt your partner whilst talking nor do anything else at the same time like looking one second on your phone to see that message your friend sent. It is important to realize that your partner feel very hurt when dates are cancelled, postponed, interrupted or when you failure to listen.
A lot of people mistake this language of love for materialism, however this language is more focused on the thought and effort behind the gift rather than the money spent. It is the visibility of the effort and love that speaks to their hearts when receiving gifts.
A small rock picked up during the morning walk where you’ve written I love you could mean equally much as a store bought expensive one as it is the thought and effort behind the gift that matters. The gesture of “he or she thought about me when doing this” is the importance here. So if this is you or your partners love language missed gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and so on could leave them feel devastated as they need these gestures of thoughtfulness and effort to feel loved.
4. Acts of Service
Anything you do to ease the burden of your loved ones chores speaks directly to their heart if this is their main love language. This also means that laziness, broken commitments and creating more work for them tells them that their feelings doesn’t matter and that you don’t care.
So if your loved one is nagging you over something, maybe try and see this as a sign that this task is really important for their feelings. It can be something just as easy as vacuuming the floors to make your partner feel loved. Basically everything that needs effort, planning and time will make your partner feel loved. It could be doing dishes, cooking, cleaning, dealing with the landlord etc.
5. Physical touch
Physical touch is often mistaken for bedroom activities only, but this persons main love language is all sorts of everyday contact, hugs, kisses, hand on the shoulder, pats on the back and even something simple as hand holding when together. All this touching is a way for your partner to show excitement, care, concern and love. This also means that physical accessibility and presence is extremely important and if neglected can be devastating.
Small acts to show your love in everyday life is for example to sit close to each other and cuddle when watching TV and to give some sort of physical touch, like a small kiss every time before you leave and as the first thing when you return.