Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. Therefore we have gathered seven ground rules for couple conflict so you can easier tackle the issues when dealing with a disagreement, big or small.
1. Don’t criticize your partner’s parents or friends
Whether they are your partners parents or their dearest friends, make sure to never speak ill of them since this is prompting your partner to become defensive. You know yourself how it is, your family and friends can tick you off from time to time, but they are still precious to you. Respect that, and try understand your partner instead and emphasize with them when they are venting to you.
2. Suspend judgment
Never start conflict with “What kind of person…?” This only creates a need for the other part to defend themselves or whoever you are referring to, instead of understanding you.
3. Do it sober
Avoid conflict when alcohol has been consumed. Alcohol affects your judgement and emotions and creates a tunnel vision which means you aren’t taking in other factors so you can understand your partner and try and work on a solution.
4. Be specific
Get your request down to 10 words or less. The fewer words, the better the chance of the other person taking the request on board. For instance, “I feel devalued when you criticise me. Please don’t.”
5. Don’t justify
Don’t say, “Criticising me makes me look stupid in the eyes of other people.” The other person can deflect: “There you go again, always worrying about what other people think.” Every word beyond the expressed need can and will be used as a boomerang.
6. Kiss and Make Up
By kiss and make up you’ll let go of being angry and go back to becoming friends and lovers again. Say you are sorry and acknowledge your partners feelings without justifying or defending your point. Give them a kiss and a hug and you’ll be able to move on from the fight without feelings of resentment or hurt.
7. Have a change of subject ready
This indicates the topic is closed, everyone is okay and now it’s time to get on with life. State your need. Short pause. Then, “So, which movie do you want to watch tonight?”
/ LoveByte Cupid