Category Archives: Relationship Advice

How You Know You’re In a Committed Relationship

When you are dating someone new, everything feels perfect. It doesn’t really matter how long you have dated – it’s more important to answer that question in your head: when do you know… if your relationship is what it is?

A study by British relationship support organization Relate.org.uk. It reveals what couples in UK see as a sign of a serious relationship.

The top indicator was sharing problems, where 50% out of 6,000 respondents cited that as one of their top three signs of being in a committed relationship. It’s interesting that this ranked highest, more than the other two: ‘being in an exclusive relationship’ (44%) and even ‘getting married’ (39%).

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This suggests that couples feel closer when they share problems with each other. If you do not, perhaps it is time to consider communicating with your partner more often. After all, we feel more relieved when we share our issues rather than bottling them up. Life is full of ups and downs, and it makes sense to share your happiness AND troubles with the one closest in your life.

So the next time your partner is opening up to you… Instead of feeling annoyed, have patience and lend a listening ear instead. You will want them to be there for you when you need them too. Communication is key to successful relationships!


Stay loving,
LoveByte Cupid <3

LoveByte is a mobile app for couples to record their happy memories to form a meaningful, love journal containing favourite photos, notes and dates. Get it on iOS/Android: http://lovebyte.us/getapp.

11 Signs Your Partner Is Your BFF

Let’s face it – adult relationships are tough and we find our social circles shrinking the older we get. It’s tiring to have to get to know and understand another human being. It may seem easier to find a romantic partner than it is to find a BFF… but imagine how awesome it is if your partner is also your BFF?!

It is very cliche when people say “I’m marrying my best friend” but here are reasons why it actually makes sense to pick a partner who is your best friend.

1. You can be your true self

You’ve seen each other dress sloppily, do dorky, grossest things yet still accept each other for who you are and find each other attractive. It doesn’t really matter. You don’t have to worry about being judged.

2. You share the same interests

There’s something that you guys can keep talking about and do together. That gives you more reasons to hang out and spend time having fun and at the same time enjoy each others’ company.

3. You know what each other likes

Overtime you can see pattern in their routine. They tend to order the same dish, go to the same restaurant, and pick the same designs. Getting each other gifts becomes easy – it doesn’t always have to be expensive jewelry because you know exactly the things that can get their eyes to sparkle.

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4. You complete each others’ sentences

Or sometimes, you say the same thing at the same time then give each other a Hi-5.
You’re both on the same frequency. Could it be telepathy?

5. You can tell each other EVERYTHING

There’s basically no judgement. They are the first to know what happens in your everyday life. The highs and lows. Gossip and complain about an unpleasant event, rave about your latest obsession. The usual mundane happenings, to even the boring and disgusting bits. No topic under the sun that is that forbidden… telling each other that you’re checking out other hotties on the street is pretty normal because they can enjoy it too.

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6. You’re both comfortable doing nothing together

It’s not mandatory to always go outside on an adventure. You can spend a lot of time hanging out, sleeping in doing nothing together and still feel you had fun! Lazing in at home watching Netflix in bed qualifies as having a good time together.

7. You laugh a lot together

You share the same sense of humour. You laugh at the same ridiculous jokes even when the rest of the world doesn’t laugh with you. You find each other hilarious and have a good time cracking jokes to make each other laugh.

8. You got each others’ back

They are there to listen to the details and comfort you when you need a shoulder to cry on. You can trust them to take care and support you, even when sometimes you feel you’re unable to do so yourself. You can count on them to give you advice knowing that they have your best interests at heart.

9. You hardly get angry at each other

When you know each others’ quirks and bad habits, it’s easier to understand why some things happen and you will soon realise it’s part of who they are and don’t get mad as often anymore.

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10. You make up very quickly

If you both do fight, you’ll fight over trivial stuff like whether to order fast food for the fifth time this week and denying who ate the last cookie in the jar. When it comes to real arguments, you already know how to have a proper talk to thrash things out.

11. You like each other a lot

Because you love them. And you like them too.

How Falling In Love Can Change You

When you find out that the person you like actually likes you back, falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world. When love blossoms, your body produces a flood of feel-good chemicals that make you feel like you are the top of the world.

You see everything positively

It’s a powerful emotion to feel. When you fall in love, everything looks like rainbows and roses. The world becomes a lovely place again and there’s always a reason to smile! That’s the power of love, especially when you didn’t expect that you were able to find love again. Is there anything that is impossible? It’s all about the perspective.

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You want to become a better person

When you are in love, your partner seems like the most perfect person in the world and it’s likely that they also see you in the same light. Flaws? What flaws?!

To live up to each other’s standards, you will want to present the best version of yourself and become better for the other person by improving yourself.

You put in 150% more effort in things you do

Suddenly, you have many plans and goals on your To-Do List to spend as much time as possible. You make sacrifices like stay up late to research on the new, coolest places to hang out. While you also sometimes daydream about your future together, you’re already making mental drafts of your desires and shared goals to share with your partner when the time is right. This becomes motivation to give your best and work hard for what’s ahead.

You become more giving and thoughtful

Everything you see reminds you of your love. You want to shower them with them with as much love and attention possible because in your heart, they are most special. “Ohh she likes this chocolate” and you would think of buying it for her. You think about your own needs less and instead consider more about treating your partner right.
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You are a happier person

Of course, you don’t need someone to complete you. But the thought of the special someone automatically brings a smile to your face when you recall a sweet moment from last week’s walk on the beach. Sometimes people catch you laughing silly to yourself at the phone and tease you for it.


Stay loving,
LoveByte Cupid <3

LoveByte is a mobile app for couples to record their happy memories to form a meaningful, love journal containing favourite photos, notes and dates. Get it on iOS/Android: http://lovebyte.us/getapp.

Why Couples Get Fat After Getting Into a Relationship (And How Not To!)

When you meet an old friend after not meeting for several months, the first thing they tell you is: “You have gained weight!” Has this ever happened to you?

Sometimes we blame it on age, lack of time and our decreasing metabolism. Are they just excuses? When couples get together, it’s easy to gain weight. Let us examine why:

1. Change in lifestyle

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Especially when couples first get attached, almost every waking time is spent together hanging out. That’s what we call ‘dating’, right? Trips to the shopping mall, going to the movies, having meals together and ending up feeling too stuffed or tired to exercise after that. And the cycle repeats.

“Don’t seem to have the time!” is our favourite excuse. Guilty?

Instead, here’s what you should do: Expand your range of activities to do together and move it! Find a sport that both of you enjoy and commit to exercise regularly together. By making it a habit, you’re both becoming healthier and fitter!

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2. Too much eating out

Almost every date comes with a meal together, checking out friends’ recommendations or that new cafe or restaurant in the hood for good food. What’s worse – no dinner is ever complete without dessert. Too much dining out can be damaging on the pocket, and to the stomach too. Food portions are generally larger and more oily. And you are what you eat. In the long run, that’s you: larger, with more oil too.

Instead, here’s what you should do: Grab that cookbook and take a brave step into the kitchen. Explore new recipes together and have fun preparing your meals together. Start with their favourite dish. That way you can control what you add into your meals and how much nutrients you get. You’ll also save money when you make your own meals!

3. You’re now taken

When you are single, your motivation for working out used to be to be fit and look good. Who doesn’t feel like a superstar knowing that the world is staring at your abs? After getting into a relationship, it has become “my darling loves me for who I am” because that’s the only person checking you out anyway.

Here’s a classic statement from the boyfriend to reassure their girls: “I want you to eat more and grow fat so other guys won’t look at you!” But seriously? That’s not a good reason to add on the pounds.

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4. You get too comfortable

Because what matters the most is not how you appear on the outside; it’s who you are, on the inside. Overtime, we fall in love with our partner’s personalities and their appearance is not what we most attracted to them for. As two people get comfortable with each other, we may become less critical of our appearance because ‘our darling loves us for who we are’… right?

Instead, here’s what you should do: Put in effort to occasionally dress up on your dates (if you have stopped!) Make it a point that you can still fit in your favourite clothes. Take photographs regularly and share them onto LoveByte app. As you load your couple timeline and look back on your memories, check out how you both have evolved overtime (whether physically or mentally) and smile :)))


Stay loving,
LoveByte Cupid <3

LoveByte is a mobile app for couples to record their happy memories to form a meaningful, love journal containing favourite photos, notes and dates. Get it on iOS/Android: http://lovebyte.us/getapp.

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4 ways to make sure your relationship survives when you’re too busy

This article first appeared on LunchClick is the first dating app that is designed to encourage offline, face-to-face dates. Download it today!

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Irregular working hours, unpredictable weekends and non-existent lunch breaks can turn a relationship into an ordeal. Here’s some pointers on things you can do so it doesn’t have to be, especially when your job takes up the lion’s share of your time.

1. Prioritise your relationship.
Be prepared to bail on previously made plans with family and friends when your partner unexpectedly gets a slice of free time. If you feel bad about abandoning your other loved ones, arrange a shindig that both parties can attend (e.g. a family dinner or a double date with friends).


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2. Keep the communication going.
You don’t have to be on the phone with each other 24/7, but a good way to keep connected is through text messaging. A playful snapshot or a sweet “Thinking about you” text is sure to keep your partner’s mind on you, but talking about events of the day (be they good, bad, trivial or significant) and sharing random thoughts will spark more substantial exchanges.

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3. Set aside a fixed time for dating.
When your daily schedule is constantly up in the air, thanks to the demands of work, your love life can definitely use some structure. Decide on a day and time and block it out every week. This period of time, dedicated solely to you and your companion, should remain untouched.

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4. Make the most of each time you meet.
After a long, trying week fraught with endless meetings and deadlines, you finally get to see your beloved. Don’t fritter it all away by gluing your eyes and fingers to your phone. Don’t let work or all that social media hullabaloo distract you from embracing the moment (and your partner). Every second counts.

When all else fails, at least you can still look forward to using your accumulation of vacation days (that is, if your company offers them). And if it’s any consolation, absence does make the heart grow fonder!

Stay Connected: Tips to Conquer Long Distance Relationships

Due to various circumstances, many couples find themselves in long distance relationships (LDR). A statistic report released in March 2015 revealed there are 14 million people in the United States alone that claim to be in a LDR, where 3.75 million of them led to marriage. With the abundance of communication platforms such as mobile devices and emails, staying in touch is no longer that difficult for couples living apart from each other.

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Photo Credit: Dvortygirl via Compfight cc

In a previous post, we have mentioned that LDR work successfully when built around commitment and trust. But, apart from these two important ingredients, there are ways on how can retain a strong relationship even when it’s put to the test by the distance you’re apart from one another. Here’s some effective ways to keep the flame going between you and your lover:

Play online games together
Keeping the fun in the relationship is vital for it to grow. But, how can you have fun when you are miles apart from each other? Thankfully, the Internet and computers made it easier for LDR couples to still be together in the digital world by offering online games that they can play as a team. Virtual reality games such as SIMS and Second Life are great platforms to show your closeness and desire for one another in the digital world. There are other multi-player games for couples that you can try if you can really work as a team even when you are under pressure. Loving From A Distance suggest the following games:

  • OMGPOP
  • Monkey Snowfight
  • Moon Base
  • Tank Ball 2

What’s your favorite game to play with your loved ones?

Keep the communication open
If there’s one important special ingredient for any relationship to work – it’s COMMUNICATION. With the help of technology, being in a LDR is no longer that difficult. Years ago, couples had to write letters to each other to stay connected. Nowadays, smartphones allow us to be closer to our loved ones even when we are miles apart. There are top messaging apps like LoveByte, video calling features, and even social media platforms that you can use to stay connected. By keeping your communications open and almost in real-time with your partner, it’s like distance doesn’t even exist as it feels like its bringing you closer together.

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Photo Credit: Rachel Hendrick via Compfight cc

Celebrate like never before
You will only feel the distance if you allow it to take over your relationship. Forget about how far you are from each other and enjoy the good times like never before. Celebrate small or big occasions together, even if it’s only via video calling. Cook together, prepare candlelight dinners, and even add wine or champagne. Show that you can enjoy and celebrate like the old times. If it’s your anniversary and you can’t be together, prepare special gifts that you can send to each other ahead of them. Life is short. Enjoy the simple things and celebrate together as a loving couple would.

Just like the famous quote goes: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Even if distance exists between you and your special someone, with the right amount of trust, commitment, and the rest of the items in this list – love can grow and blossom. What’s your secret ingredient(s) to keep a LDR successful? Share your experiences and tips with us below.

Contributed by Venus Mirabel

5 deal breakers that aren’t really deal breakers

This article first appeared on LunchClick – the first dating app that is designed to encourage offline, face-to-face dates. Download it today!

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As much as we all have our own ideas of the “perfect mate”, most of us would have realised by now that they don’t exist. After all, our imaginations will always mislead our expectations of real life. And more often than not, it’s the insignificant things that we tend to lose sleep over.

Here are 5 of them:


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1. She’s vegetarian

Dietary restrictions or preferences are less of a big deal than you think. Sure, you’ll never be one of those couples that will be able to polish off half the menu at Carnivore. But perhaps you might want to show your love in a different way – by giving his/her food a shot. You might like it. And small gestures like that will go a long way.


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2. He spends every Friday night playing video games

A relationship does not mean the end of all personal space. We all have routines and ‘me time’ activities that we stick to. As much as we would love to be that couple hanging out in a chic bar on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, remember that you both had your own lives before you got together.


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3. She spends too much time wanting to take selfies

We all have habits that our partners can’t stand. That’s to be expected. Sit down, talk about it and compromise. Agree that you will entertain each other’s whims but know also when you should back down so your relationship doesn’t just exist on your terms. It isn’t all about you!


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4. He should have stuck with his previous job which was more stable and paid more, not this new one that he actually likes but had to take a pay cut for!

Every once in a while, people make choices that prioritise their happiness over all else. Learn to share in that happiness. Try to ignore the fact that you have house loans to pay. Money can be earned; happiness, not so much. And a relationship needs happiness to work, not money.


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5. She doesn’t read as much as I would like her to

Opposites attract. That’s the truth. Try to look at your hobbies as opportunities to explore new things together. If she doesn’t like to read, introduce her to a magazine that you like. Start small. In turn, try to appreciate something that she likes, and get her to guide you through it.

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With relationships, it’s always easy to end up sweating the small stuff. Arguments make it a lot worse, because all of a sudden, every tiny thing becomes intolerable. Try to remember that personality differences are always opportunities to grow together, not apart.

 

How Your Attachment Style Influences Every Relationship

This article was originally posted on LunchClick.

Over the years I’ve seen relationships amongst my friends come and go, and I’ve been in my fair share of successful and failed relationships as well. And I’ve realised that part of what it boils down to is this: are you secure in your relationship?

Let’s imagine a scenario: you and your boyfriend or girlfriend have just had an awful quarrel. It doesn’t really matter what it’s about. It could be the fact that you’re both busy lawyers and you hardly ever see each other. It could be about the fact that her parents don’t like it when she stays over at your house. It could be about the fact that he’s not ready to commit although you’ve already been together for four years. Or it could be about the trivial things: all the beer he drinks, all the shoes she buys, or the friends that you don’t like him or her to hang out with.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?
Now, imagine that your boy or girl comes up to you and tries to hold out an olive branch. Maybe he doesn’t say anything, but he wakes up early in the morning and goes and buys you tiao and porridge for breakfast because he knows you like it. Maybe she comes over and takes your hand and says “I’m sorry for yelling.”
What do you do?

(a) You immediately think, “Aiyah, it was a stupid quarrel and it was partially my fault anyway.” Then you kiss and make up and the incident is forgiven and forgotten on both sides – or tabled for discussion at a future time when you’re both calmer and in a better frame of mind.

(b) You’ll be happy that the other person is trying to make it up to you, but you won’t be really okay with it until you hear it from him or her: “Look, bae, I’m so sorry. I was wrong and you were right, and I shouldn’t have said what I said last night. I love you, okay?” Otherwise you’ll keep sulking for a while, and you’ll worry that he or she doesn’t love you after all.

(c) You’ll sit down and eat breakfast and pretend the quarrel never happened. If your partner attempts to bring it up again, you’ll say, “Look, does it even matter? I’ve got a lot to think about at work and I can’t really be bothered to talk about this right now.”

(d) You don’t know how you’ll respond. Some mornings you’ll be touched and happy, and more than willing to make things up, but some mornings you’ll think to yourself, “Oh, she’s / he’s just trying to get me to let my guard down!”

These four answers correspond to four different attachment styles, which describe what you’re like in a relationship and how you emotionally relate to your partners.

1) If you answered (a), congratulations, you’re a secure person in relationships!
If you’re secure, you’re confident that your partner will be around and able to meet your emotional needs. You’re happy to have your own space and to give your partner his or her space, but at the same time, when you’re unhappy, your partner is the person whom you look to for soothing and comfort. And of course, on the flip side of things, you’re happy to be that person for your partner as well.

2) If you answered (b), you’re likely to be anxious-preoccupied.
The anxious person is the clingy boyfriend or girlfriend who’s over-invested in a relationship. They’re dependent on reassurance and their emotional needs are significant. Without acceptance and love, their own self-confidence suffers.
If you are an anxious-preoccupied, here’s one top tip for you:
Try to fight this by looking for fulfillment outside of your relationship. Focus on work, try and find a new hobby, or go out and make new friends. It’s not healthy to depend solely on your partner for your emotional support, and it’s not healthy for your relationship in the long term either. Set yourself easy targets: “Oh, by the end of this month I’ll be able to do this new pose in yoga class,” or, “I’ll make it past that overhang on the rock wall.” These may be small targets, but you may be surprised at the boost that they give your self-esteem!
3)      If you answered (c), then you are a dismissive-avoidant.
The dismissive-avoidant person thinks of himself or herself as an extremely independent person, with the tendency to try to distance themselves from people. Often, they are action-oriented people (you may find yourself saying, “Well, okay, but what do you want me to do? Just tell me and I’ll do it.”) and have little patience for emotional discussions. They may shut down quarrels by saying, “You know what? This is a waste of time”, or, if threatened with a break-up, they may again close themselves up and say, “Yeah, go ahead – I don’t really care.”
If you are a dismissive-avoidant, here’s one top tip for you:
Try to counteract this tendency by biting your tongue any time you want to say “I don’t care.” Instead, set some time limits on the discussion by telling your partner, “Okay, let’s talk about this for the next fifteen minutes. After that, though, I really need to get to work. Is that okay?” This helps you deal with your dislike of emotional engagement (hey it’s only fifteen minutes!) while still letting your partner know that you’re willing to deal with this.

4) Lastly, if you answered (d), you have a case of the hedgehog’s dilemma, or a fearful-avoidant attachment style.

The concept was first established by German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, himself a notoriously prickly person who unfortunately remained a bachelor for life. If you are a fearful-avoidant, you have two conflicting desires: firstly, to get closer to your significant other but secondly, to avoid hurting him or her and being hurt in turn. As a result, your relationship may be rocky, with periods of intense closeness and then a sudden retreat into distance again.
If you are a fearful-avoidant, here’s one top tip for you:
Try to take off the prickles! If you find yourself swinging into the avoidant stage of things, note it down somewhere in a diary and try, the very next day, to get closer to your partner. This could be simple physical closeness – have a cuddle on the couch! – but it could also be emotional closeness. Tell your partner something about yourself that you’ve never told someone before. Tell him or her about your hopes or fears. Train yourself to overcome the hedgehog’s dilemma!

Ultimately, we all aim to be secure individuals, and while we may sometimes slip into different patterns in times of stress, I think we can all agree that being intimately involved in the emotional life of your partner while still giving him or her the right amount of space is a good thing! To find out more about your own personality type, you can take this quiz here. Good luck!

Next time, we’ll talk about the masters and disasters of love: how psychologist John Gottman learned to predict, simply by observing behaviour, whether or not a couple would stay together or break up.

Have a Checklist When Finding Your Soulmate

This article is originally posted on LunchClick.

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Just like Lane Daniels, Hilary Duff’s character in Beauty and the Briefcase, we’re all looking for our magic men – one with the brains, brawn, and beyond. While Lane aspires for a spontaneous, style-savvy lover with a sexy accent and drops witty statements on the tip of his tongue, we may have other priorities. It’s always great to you know what you want, but if you’ve got 101 items on your checklist, you might as well head to the lab and take matters into your own hands.

As you come back down to Earth, we’ve rounded up a few pointers on creating a more effective checklist that doesn’t leave you empty-handed and crestfallen.

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Dos:

#1: Do know what your absolute deal-breakers are

Whether for religious, racial or personal reasons, these red flags should be reserved for ultimate no-exceptions traits. Perhaps you could never date a smoker because you don’t have the tolerance for tobacco, or, on a more severe scale, an addict because that’s a can of worms you’re not willing to open.

#2: Do know what your absolute needs are

On the other hand, there are certain things you require in a partner. Note that it should be a need, not a want. Some of the obvious ones that don’t come with wiggle room include mutual love and moral sense.

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#3: Do aim for characteristics that are key ingredients to a lasting relationship

For instance, loyalty, respect, kindness, compassion, selflessness… the list goes on. The point is to find someone who is committed to going the distance with you through the hills and valleys till death makes its inevitable claim.

Don’ts:

#1: Don’t make physical goals

The last thing you’d want to base your relationship on is a seductive set of rock-hard abs that could and most certainly would eventually fade away. Nonetheless, that’s not to say you should place physical attraction entirely on the back burner.

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#2: Don’t make material goals

Say you only date millionaires. What could happen? Well, not only will you be limiting yourself to the handful of upper class fat cats and moneybags, you’ll also be developing a shallow affair. When there’s nothing left in this world, you’d want a companion you can live with, even in poverty.

#3. Don’t pull their family and friends into the picture

Don’t go steady with someone just because Oprah is a personal friend or distant aunt. Likewise, don’t pull the plug because you abhor their nettlesome relatives. Remember, you’re not pursuing the people around them.

The bottom line is to avoid being unrealistic and overreaching. At the end of the day, if the attraction is there, your checklist could probably afford some flexibility. Because hey, when love happens, it happens – as trite as it sounds.

5 Relationship Hacks For an Everlasting Honeymoon Period In Your Relationship

This article is brought to you by ShopBack, originally posted on LunchClick.

It’s sad that the honeymoon phase of every relationship is so temporal. Sooner or later, that giddy, butterflies-in-your-tummy, blush-y, and slightly obsessive-compulsive feeling you get when you think about your significant other will ebb away. But even if you’ve gotten all comfortable around your guy or girl, that doesn’t necessarily mean that your *spark* has to fizzle out. Read on to find out more!

1. Surprise them at work

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Nothing will brighten your partner’s day more than a sweet surprise. Here’s what to do: Pack a lunch comprising of their favourite treats, and turn up at their office unexpectedly – but prior to this, you may have to do a little conspiring with his/her colleagues to make sure that your partner isn’t in a lunch meeting. We guarantee that your partner will be beaming with happiness for the rest of the day!

#2: Send them little messages throughout the day

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Along with stability in a relationship comes stagnation in the romance department. Where you once exchanged texts endlessly until the wee hours of the night, and argued about who loves who more, you may now no longer bother to express your love to each other. But that shouldn’t be the case! Inject more romance and life into your relationship by continuing to affirm your love for each other – have fun phone conversations, or even write a cute note and leave it somewhere that they’re bound to pass by. It’ll do wonders for your relationship!

#3: Make them a playlist to listen to

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Everyone loves music, so why not take your cue from John Cusack in Say Anything? We’re not saying that you have to go the whole hog and actually drive up to your bae’s door carrying a boombox on you – there are plenty of alternatives that are more suited for modern day, such as burning a CD to pop into their car player for a little rush hour surprise, or sending them a Spotify playlist specially crafted from songs that you think they’ll like.

#4: Dress to impress

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You have been together for a good while now, so I guess it’s acceptable to walk around in sweats all the time, right? Wrong! We have it on good authority (from our bestie Eva Mendes) that the secret to a happy marriage is not wearing sweatpants. But jokes aside, you should still make an effort to dress up once in a while – it’ll show your other half that you think they’re worth the effort, and they’ll also feel proud when they’ve got a good-looking partner on their arm!

5. Play hooky

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Take a break from your everyday routine. Call in sick for work and sneak off to spend the whole day together. You’ll not only feel the teenage thrill of skiving, but you’ll also get some valuable time freed up in your busy schedules to spend with each other!

It’s inevitable that as two people get comfortable with each other, they get lazy, and the initial intense attraction fades off into something that’s less passionate, but enduring. That having been said, it’s really up to you if you’re willing to put in the effort to keep the spark burning – as you can see from our suggestions above, it’s really not that difficult. Happy dating!