(photo credit: travelswithtwo.com )
Howdy Lovebyters, how is spontaneous June for everyone? Do try out the date ideas for this month on the scratchcards that we’ve suggested in our app. Have fun!
On a side note, we realized that spontaneity in a relationship is a very important element in maintaining that “spark” in a relationship.
But what is that “spark” exactly?
They can be differentiated into 3 different types.
- Physical Chemistry – Plainly described as physical and sexual attraction to each other.
- Intellectual Chemistry – The brainy attraction you have for your partner. Such as perfect sync in humor, interest and even conversational topics.
- Static – Unexplained (cannot be categorized into either of the above) rush of adrenaline and attraction for the other.
As ridiculous as it seems to be, these 3 different sensations are responsible for keeping our relationships alive. Of there can be just love, plenty of love that will keep 2 beating hearts together, but that’s another story.
So, now that we know what a “spark” in a relationship can be, what can we do to maintain that incredible feeling? Here’s how. (We’re going to split the different ways into different stages of a relationship)
If you are in the:
This is the first stage of any relationship, when a couple just got together. Now you might be thinking, “what is the point of including this stage, the ‘spark’ is probably the strongest there’”. Well good news and bad ones for you guys. Yes, it might be true that there should not be any cause for distress over the lack of “spark” at this supposed unicorns and rainbows stage of the relationship. BUT, bear in mind that each relationship is different, and romantic stages can last for 1 to 2 years or down to just a couple of weeks. Then couples would ask themselves, “now what?”
Luckily, at this stage of the relationship, there are probably lots of activities that the couple have not done together. Therefore, to upkeep that “spark”, couples can help themselves by organizing different activities to partake in different dates to keep it as exciting as the first one. What say you to deep sea diving and fast roller coaster ride? Keep it fresh, give our scratchcards a try!
After all that whirlwind romance, comes a tranquil period where the two of you can just sit and read at a book café and simply just feel good with each other’s company. You may have 1 or 2 crazy nights out per month but that’s about it. At this point, all is good and blissful but it’s all starting to fall into a routine where almost everything can be anticipated (like Wednesday Chinese take out for dinner, Thursday gym and boys day etc). So how do we remind each other that romance is not dead and keep your partner wanting for more?
The key to keeping your romance alive at this stage would be the constant thought and effort to not let it get stagnant. How do we do that then? Simply by keeping our partner in mind when they least expect it.
For example (things you can try):
- Present him/her with a stalk of flower, a chocolate (little things they like) just because it’s a Monday.
- Surprise him/her with delicious home cooked dinner on a Wednesday Chinese take out day.
- On a regular day out, even though you guys already had in mind plans for the day, draw out a cute and simple map/itinerary and play tourists to keep things interesting.
- Call him/her unexpectedly on a night you know they are going to be alone.
- You get the drift.
It’s the little things that matter in a relationship and those little things can make the biggest difference to your partner’s life.
There are also those who do not have the luxury of staying near their partners, the ones who are in a long distance relationship. Statistics have shown that 40% of long distance relationship has failed and the numbers are only increasing. Let’s face it, the saying “out of sight, out of mind” is befitting in this case. With your partner only available online for 3 nights a week, chances of you thinking of him/her is only going to get lesser as weeks/months even years pass by. What’s the solution for this seemingly inevitable outcome?
Keeping those mentioned above (Zen stage) in mind, one can also put in similar efforts to their partner residing far away. Instead of presenting him/her with flowers in real life, you can send him/her the flowers or chocolates via shipping, sending them to his/her residence or workplace. Filming short videos about your life and sending it to them via the internet also provide the assurance of their place in your life and heart. In fact, keeping things out of routine is especially important in long distance relationships. Little surprises to keep the romance growing are still possible despite being at different ends of the world.
This group of couples are those who made it through thick and thin and are ready to settle down for good with each other. They probably already know what works and what doesn’t in their relationships, which is both a good and a bad thing. Knowing what makes your partner tick is definitely a good thing but it also puts you in your comfort zone and things are bound to get mundane.
What we say to these couples is that you can incorporate your partner’s life into your own. For example, gardening may be a big part of your partner’s life. Try to engulf yourself in the same activity for a week and understand from your partner’s point of view, and why he/she likes it so much. We promise life would be very different with him/her once you and your partner indulge in the same passion.
All in all, these are just little ideas and suggestions on how you can keep your romance and relationship alive and maintain that elusive “spark” when everyone says you can’t. Be creative and come up with your own special ways to make him/her feel exclusive and loved. Rekindle that “spark” and get back those butterflies in your stomach. Remember, it’s the little things that count to stay loving!